(lead crews toward whale as "Jaws" music begins)

Stacy:  Oh no!  Do you hear that music?  That can only mean that we're about to get swallowed by this giant whaaaaaale...

(lead crews into whale and get them seated as music plays)

Stacy:  Do we have everyone?

Jonah: (popping up from behind treasure chest and slamming down lid)  WHO'S THERE?!

Oh, I'm sorry; I didn't mean to frighten you.  It's just that I've been down in the belly of this whale for so long and... and I haven't seen a human face since Moby here swallowed me up and...

Wait, that's not entirely true... as I was being swept in here I seem to remember passing an old man on a raft... he had this talking wooden puppet... and this cricket... and they kept singing about "always letting your conscience be your guide"... well, that's what got me in trouble!

You see, I'm a prophet of God.  I hear his voice and he tells me what he wants me to do.  Well, a few days ago... at least, I think it was a few days ago... being down in the belly of a whale does things to your sense of time... place... sanity... (brief disturbed laughter)

Sorry... anyway, a few days ago God told me to go to Nineveh, to preach to the people.  God said that they were wicked, and that he wanted me to warn them that if they didn't change their ways, he was going to destroy them!

Well, the people of Nineveh are my people's enemies!  I didn't want them to have a chance to change their ways!  I wanted God to destroy them!  So I figured that if I just didn't go to Nineveh, if I just didn't obey God, then they wouldn't have a chance to change their ways and God would have to destroy them.

So, when God told me to go one way, I let my conscience be my guide and I went the other way.  I figured that if I could just hide from God for long enough, he'd have to go ahead and destroy Nineveh.

So I went down to the shore and got on board the first ship sailing out to sea away from Nineveh and hid myself down in the cargo hold.  I figured that I was safe, that God would never find me there.

Yeah.  Right.

But was that where I was supposed to be?  On a ship at sea?  No!  I was supposed to be in Nineveh!  And how good do you think my hiding place was?  Could I really hide from God on a ship at sea?  No!

God knew where I was, allright.  He sent a huge storm against the ship.  The wind began to howl.  The rain began to lash the sails.  The waves began to crash over the decks.  Down in my hiding place, I could hear the crew running around above deck trying to save the ship as it began to fill up with water.  "Bail!  Bail!" they yelled... wait, that was last night's program...  "Hurricane a'comin!"  I heard them yell.  "Stand fast!  Secure the rigging!"

Then... then the weather really started getting rough.  The tiny ship was tossed.  If not for the courage of the fearless crew... um...

Then the captain and his mate came below decks and started hauling out the cargo to throw it overboard, to lighten then ship.  That's when they found me!  "Arrr, matey," the captain said.  "What are ye doin' hidin' down here while me ship's in danger o' sinkin'?  Pray to yer God that he'll have a care to save us from this storm... but in case he doesn't hear you, give us a hand with this cargo here..."

And I said, "You don't need to throw your cargo overboard.  I'm the reason why you're caught in this storm."

And the captain said, "What in th' name o' Davy Jones' Locker are ye talking about, boy?"

And I said, "I'm a prophet of the living God.  He told me to go to Nineveh to preach to the people and I refused.  I disobeyed God."

And the captain said, "Arrr, smooth move, Exlax!  Now what do ye propose we do to save me ship and crew, seein' as how you got us in this mess to begin with?"

And I said, "Throw me overboard and the storm will cease."

So they threw me into the ocean... and the sea became calm (last phrase spoken in faux-French Spongebob accent).

But was I supposed to be in the ocean?  No!  I was supposed to be in Nineveh!

But there I was, sinking down into the depths of the ocean.  Deeper and deeper I sank, never to be seen again, like that movie with the iceberg and Leonardo DeCappucino...

But even while I was sinking deeper and deeper, God still knew where I was.  He didn't intend for me to drown in the ocean.  Even though I had disobeyed him, he meant to save me...

Now, I've heard that the Lord moves in mysterious ways, but I'd never seen anything as mysterious as this...  God didn't send a boat or a raft to save me... he sent MOBY here to swallow me up!  Me, Jonah, swallowed by a whale!  Can you imagine?  At first I was like, "WHOA!" and then I was like, "WHOA," and then I was like, "Whoa..."

What a revoltin' situation!  What a humbling experience!  Whales don't eat people!  They eat small fry like shrimp and plankton...  how humiliating to be swallowed by a whale!

At first I was angry with God.  "You can't do this to me!" I railed.  "I went to college...!"  But in my heart I knew what God's answer would be: "This wouldn't have happened if you had obeyed me to begin with."  Worked just as well with me as it does with my own kids...

But then I realized that even though I was still alive, I was still in trouble.  As the whale swallowed me farther down I realized that I could smell... a smell.  A smelly smell.  A smelly kind of smell that smelled... smelly.  My first thought was, "Well, this stinks."

Then it hit me!  I could smell everything the whale had eaten!  I was in his belly!  His gut!  His stomach! And you know what happens to anything that's in your stomach...

It gets... DIGESTED.  (insert bleating "Psycho" violins)

So I panicked!  I tried to get out!  I tried walking out.  I tried swimming out.  I even tried asking the whale nicely to let me out: "Misssssterrrrr Whaaaaaale, would youuuuu pleeeeease let me ouuuuuuuut?"  But I don't speak whale...

So here I am.  Stuck in the belly of the whale, praying to God that he'll have mercy on me and promising to obey him and go to Nineveh if he'll just get me out of here before... before I end up like poor Yorik here!  (hold up skull)  Alas... I knew him well...

Now... since you're kind of a "captive audience" with me here inside Moby... (more disturbed laughter)

Uh, sorry...  Since you're... "detained" here with me, I've got some questions for you to answer in your Scuba crews.  Circle up with your crews and answer these few questions:

1.  How did you feel when ol' Moby here swallowed you up?  How do you think that was like the way I, Jonah, felt when I knew I'd disobeyed God?

(pause)

2.  What do you think that I, Jonah, should learn from this experience?

(pause)

3.  What's a rule that's really hard for you to obey at home or at school?  Why?

(pause)

4.  What's something that God has asked you to do that's hard to obey?  Why?

(pause)

My problem wasn't figuring out what to do.  God had told me what to do.  My problem was that I didn't want to do it!  And I'll bet that that's sometimes true for all of you too...

See this bracelet I'm wearing?  I've put it around my wrist to remind me to always obey God... if I ever get the chance again.  Here're some pipecleaner bracelets for you to help all of you remember to always obey God, too.  Put 'em on quickly... because there's one last thing we have to do...

We've got to get you out of here.

I'm stuck here inside Moby's belly because I disobeyed God.  I've got to stay here until and unless God decides to set me free.  But you're not supposed to stay here.  We've got to get you all out of here and on to your next group activity before you end up like poor Yorik here... (hold up skull) and you don't even know him at all!

Now, we can't get you out the way that old man on the raft and his puppet and that cricket got out.  They were up near the blowhole.  They built a fire and made Moby sneeze them out.  But we're much farther down... we're in Moby's belly... in his stomach... in his gut...

The only way we'll get you out is if we find some way to make Moby here...

...THROW YOU UP.  (insert bleating "Psycho" violins again)

We've got to find something to make him sick to his stomach... something to make him HURL you out of his mouth... but what?...

Wait!  I know!  Back when I was running away from God, just before I got on board that ship, I stopped at this little restaurant on the oceanfront.  I bought something quick to eat... and I still have it!  Here it is!

(insert Spongebob music)

It's a two-day-old Krabby Patty!  Ooh, it's all old and dried out... like Mr. Krabbs here!  (hold up plastic crab on stick) Do you think this will do the job?  Do you think this'll make ol' Moby sick to his stomach?  Only one way to find out... Bombs away!

(toss hamburger over shoulder and pause for beginning of stomach growling sounds and "Jaws" music)

That sound!  (pause)  That music!  That patty must have dropped right into his lower intestine!  This can only mean one thing!  Ol' Moby's getting ready to HEAVE!  This is your only chance!  Everyone get ready to run out when he opens his mouth!  Ready... ready...

(music and stomach growling build until...)

Uh-oh...

(BUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPP!)

THAR SHE BLOWS!!!!

(kids run out)

Stacy:  Did we get everyone out?

(Yorik's skull comes bouncing out as Moby gives one last short burp)